


Bad for What Ails You

by futuresoon



Category: Persona 4
Genre: M/M, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:54:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3602265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futuresoon/pseuds/futuresoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wacky sex pollen? Well, less with the wacky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad for What Ails You

Yosuke didn’t know which was the worse aspect of the bathhouse: the oppressive heat, or the near-blinding steam. His glasses kept fogging up bad enough he could barely see. Thankfully, it seemed to clear during battle, but the heat stayed, weighing him down. He’d definitely need a shower when he got home. Healing spells probably wouldn’t get rid of the sweat.

Still, he could manage to fight. There was an odd sort of clarity that came when a battle started, a switch that flipped inside him and made him part of something, not just an individual person; a part of a greater whole. It wasn’t really submission. If anything, it made him feel more important, more necessary as a piece of something powerful. The fact that the something powerful was indisputably led by someone else didn’t bother him. Souji always seemed to know what to do, and Yosuke thought that was a pretty good quality for a leader.

Sometimes Yosuke thought that maybe there wasn’t a whole lot he wouldn’t do for Souji. Just being here, in this world of vicious monsters, meant that he was willing to die for him, didn’t it? Certainly he’d never trusted anyone as much as he did Souji. And--well. That wasn’t something to think about during a fight.

Right now, they were just training. With Mitsuo in police custody, there wasn’t really anything for them to do anymore, but Souji insisted on keeping them in shape anyway. Yosuke wasn’t going to complain about it; it beat summer homework, easy. 

One swift agilao brought down the last remaining Shadow. “Nice!” he called out to Yukiko, who merely straightened out her fan and smiled. 

“I’m getting kinda tired,” Chie said, leaning down to massage her calf muscles. “There’s no rush or anything, and I think we’ve trained enough for now. Should we call it a day?”

Yosuke agreed with her, to be honest. Everyone was pretty healthy--man, Yukiko was useful--but he was tired, too, and they didn’t have much left to fix that. It was better to save that stuff for bigger battles. They’d go back to the harder dungeons eventually, after all. “I could go for a rest too,” he said.

Yukiko nodded. “We shouldn’t push ourselves,” she said. “And I don’t think any of us are fans of this steam.”

Souji pursed his lips for a moment. Then he nodded, too. “I think we’re almost done with this floor,” he said. “Let’s finish it and move on.”

They had enough to finish a floor, probably, Yosuke thought. It wouldn’t be that hard, and it wasn’t a bad idea to get some more practice in fighting in imperfect conditions.

“All right, let’s go,” Yosuke said. He followed Souji through the next door, the others right behind.

As it turned out, the next bunch of Shadows they ran into wouldn’t have been one of Yosuke’s picks. Those damn hands were strong against just about everything, and they weren’t always easy to hit, either. A smack from one of them might not have been the strongest of attacks, but it stung plenty. And the way they could make you blind with anger…yeah, he wished they’d run into something else.

Still, they’d beaten those things before, and they were healthy enough right now to deal with them.

That’s what Yosuke thought, anyway.

Sometimes, battles just didn’t go well. This seemed to be one of them. Half their attacks missed, Yukiko could only heal so much before the next enemy attack came in--and there were more than a couple times when one of them was knocked off their feet. It wasn’t hard to get them back up, but it took a little time, and time was always a precious commodity here.

Yosuke narrowly managed to avoid getting slammed, and he was about to laugh until he saw Yukiko get bashed right in the head and fall to the ground. It wouldn’t kill her--god, he hoped it wouldn’t--but she was down for the count unless they had something to bring her back.

They didn’t. They’d run out of those. Yosuke swore under his breath. 

“Keep your eye on the target!” Souji called out. “We can still take it down!”

And two of the hands were already out, sure, with the others on their way. But Chie wasn’t looking so hot. Her attacks always did take a lot out of her.

Yosuke was about to ready a diarama when she got knocked out, too.

He didn’t bother keeping it under his breath, this time. “We need to get out of here!” he yelled. “I’ll get Chie, grab Yukiko and let’s run!”

Souji nodded and started to run to Yukiko--which was when one of the Shadows hit him weird, didn’t even really hit him at all, waved its finger in his general direction and something in the air _sizzled_ and Souji doubled over, dropping his katana. Being hit with rage didn’t look like that.

Fear shot through Yosuke’s head. He didn’t know if he was fast enough to grab all three of them, and the others were too far behind. If he could just--maybe he could--

Before he could do anything, the two remaining Shadows each pointed a finger at them. Yosuke felt the tendrils of anger slip into his head, but _no_ , not _now_ , and he shook them out. Souji, though--Souji was--

Yosuke couldn’t think about that right now. With one last hope beyond hope, he jumped and kicked his card, causing it to shatter into a spray of blue shards while Susano-o materialized over his head with a magarula.

For the first time in this battle, something went right; the two Shadows went down with a critical hit. As they evaporated, Yosuke breathed out hard and nearly collapsed on the floor. Instead, he pulled off his headphones, switching off his music player. Then he went to Chie and nudged her arm with his foot. “Time to get up,” he said. 

She didn’t move.

He might have avoided the rage, but he could feel a little panic rising inside him. “Come on,” he repeated. “I’ve seen you take way worse hits than that, let’s get up and go.”

Nothing.

He crouched down and put his ear next to her mouth. She was still breathing, at least. He straightened up to get a look at Yukiko.

Souji was still doubled over. Yosuke frowned. What was going on? Yukiko hadn’t gotten up either; another check showed that she was still alive, too. Just…not getting up. Which hadn’t happened before. Ever.

Maybe it had something to do with that sizzling thing. Yosuke glanced past the door they’d come through. “Hey, Ted?” he called out. “Do you know what’s happening here?”

No answer. Not from Rise or Kanji, either.

Yosuke tamped down on the rising panic. There was still Souji. Souji always knew what to do.

Souji didn’t look so good right now, though.

Yosuke walked back over to him. “Are you okay?” he asked, putting his hand on Souji’s shoulder.

Souji straightened up in an instant. Yosuke almost fell backwards from the sudden movement. But Souji’s face--

He hadn’t gotten any better, either. The rage still filled his eyes.

Yosuke had a moment to think _oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck_ before Souji grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him to the ground. He brought up his arms immediately, getting his hands on Souji’s chest and pushing, careful to keep the kunai out of the way. He didn’t have much success, though; Souji barely budged, looking down on him with a face overcome by fury.

Well, there was a way to fix that, and it wasn’t like Yosuke had never done it before, even to Souji. He tossed aside one of his kunai and moved his hand to slap Souji in the face.

One of Souji’s hands pulled up from Yosuke’s shoulder and grabbed Yosuke’s wrist. Not gently, either; Yosuke winced at the fierce grip. His other hand, then--

But Souji dodged out of the way. He took his other hand off Yosuke’s shoulder. A faint haze of blue signified the appearance of a card. Yosuke had no idea what was going on--they’d never been able to summon their Personas while they were enraged--but he didn’t have much time to think about it before Souji crushed the card, and Raphael appeared, and Raphael grabbed his hands, and Raphael pinned them over his head.

Real terror shot into Yosuke’s mind. He tried to bring his knees up so he could at least try to kick Souji off, do _something,_ but Souji was between his legs and he couldn’t move, not at all.

“Snap out of it!” he yelled, one last desperate attempt. “I know you can get your mind back, I’ve seen you do it! This isn’t any different! Just shake it off!”

But of course it was different, and this close up Yosuke could see something else in Souji’s eyes, something darker and deeper and not like rage at all. Two ailments at once? Sure, why not. Everything else was fucked up right now. Might as well add something else to the pile.

Yosuke didn’t recognize that one, though. Something new? It only added to the fear. Maybe that was part of it. In this place, new Shadow stuff was never good.

One of Souji’s hands reached up and brushed against Yosuke’s face. It was much too gentle compared to everything else, and Yosuke didn’t like it at all. He _really_ didn’t like it when Souji’s thumb brushed against his lips, sliding just slightly past his teeth.

He’d never liked to think about that. He’d never liked that he _did_ think about that, sometimes, maybe sometimes a lot of times, maybe sometimes the whole day. Souji was just--he wasn’t _like_ that, he _wasn’t,_ but that had never stopped him from watching the back of Souji’s neck in class and thinking about what it would be like to run his fingers through Souji’s hair and hating himself for it. He wasn’t _like_ that. Maybe sometimes he wondered what Souji’s mouth would taste like but that was _stupid,_ it was just--it was just--Souji was just--

Souji was kissing him fiercer and harder than he’d ever thought about, and he didn’t know what to _do._

Reciprocating didn’t even occur to him. Souji didn’t seem to care much about that, anyway; he was practically attacking Yosuke’s mouth with his tongue, practically claiming it, practically a lot of things Yosuke didn’t want right now. One of his hands was bunched in Yosuke’s hair, which Yosuke had only thought about _once_ , and the other one was singlehandedly starting to unbutton Yosuke’s shirt. Yosuke would have been impressed by that if he wasn’t too terrified to notice.

Souji bit down hard on Yosuke’s lower lip, hard enough to draw blood. It left Yosuke’s mouth free enough to beg, “Please _stop_ , please, you don’t--” before Souji bit down on his collarbone, too, making him cry out.

Yosuke didn’t wonder if it was a nightmare; his nightmares were always about failure and death, nothing like this, and it was too real to be one anyway. Besides, if it _was_ a nightmare, it would be entirely his fault, a sign that he somehow deep down _wanted_ something like this, and that idea was horrible, too horrible to think about. It being the fault of some fucked-up thing in the TV world was--not _easy,_ nothing about this was _easy,_ but at least not evidence that there was something wrong with him.

Because he didn’t want this at all, not even when his guilty daydreams had gotten a little rough, not with Souji out of his mind and about to--he didn’t want to say the word, he couldn’t think about the word, not with Souji. The word was there, banging on a door in his mind, but he couldn’t think about it, he _couldn’t_.

He tried to retreat into his mind. Go somewhere nice, somewhere quiet, something far removed from all of this, but the heat and the steam and Souji’s teeth on his neck kept him trapped where he was. He wondered if a diarama would take care of the bite marks, or if they’d still be there tomorrow.

Raphael’s hands on his wrists might as well have been stone. There wasn’t any point to struggling; it wouldn’t help any, and for all he knew, Souji might get violent if he tried too much. It was better to just let it happen. Maybe Souji would wake up before it got too far. Maybe the girls would wake up and pull Souji away; Souji couldn’t summon more than one Persona to hold them down. It was a sign of how bad things were that Yosuke didn’t mind the thought of Chie and Yukiko seeing them like this so long as that meant it would stop. 

But maybe Chie and Yukiko were never going to wake up. Maybe Souji was never going to snap out of it. Maybe Yosuke would die here, in whatever fashion. No one knew where they were, except Teddie, Kanji, and Rise, and if those three hadn’t shown up by now then something had probably gone wrong on their end too.

Yosuke had thought he might be willing to die for Souji. He hadn’t thought that Souji might be the one to kill him.

Not that Souji seemed to have that in mind right now. Instead, he’d abandoned the idea of unbuttoning Yosuke’s shirt and just pushed it up, running his hands across Yosuke’s chest. At least he wasn’t gripping Yosuke’s hair anymore. 

Yosuke wondered why his shirt even needed to be off anyway. _Just get it over with,_ he thought. 

Souji nipped softly at his ribcage, more a slight drag of teeth than an actual bite, and slid his hands down to Yosuke’s belt. Yosuke tensed, waiting for the inevitable--and yes, there it was, Souji opening his belt buckle and sliding his hand into Yosuke’s pants. The sensation of someone else’s hand on his cock was an entirely new one, and under other circumstances it would be an entirely welcome one, but these were not other circumstances. His cock didn’t really seem to understand that, though, as it stiffened at the touch. Being sixteen had a lot of issues; right now, this was one of them.

Yosuke flinched as Souji used his other hand to pull Yosuke’s pants and underwear down to his knees. He felt horribly exposed in every way; the obvious one, of course, but also in that his body wanted to react like that at all, that Souji might have figured out that other circumstances were a thing, that there was a lot Souji might be figuring out. If Souji was even in there at all, anyway. It was a horrible thought, to hope that he wasn’t, but Yosuke had it anyway, and hated himself for it.

Souji slid his body down until his face was only a few inches above Yosuke’s cock, and then removed those inches, sliding his tongue across the head of Yosuke’s cock like he was used to it. Underneath the tangle of fear and guilt that filled Yosuke’s mind, he wondered if Souji _was_ used to it, if Souji had done anything like this before. He’d never thought Souji was like that, but…he’d never seen Souji show any interest in girls, either. He remembered asking Souji who he liked better, Chie or Yukiko, and Souji saying neither. At the time, he’d thought it was just because Souji wasn’t interested in those girls in particular, but.

There were rather a lot of girls that Souji didn’t seem interested in in particular, weren’t there.

But this was no time to think about that. It hurt too much to wonder why Souji seemed to know what he was doing, and besides, it was hard to think with Souji’s mouth enveloping his cock, swiping his tongue around it and inching further forward and _god_ Yosuke couldn’t even look. He didn’t want to see Souji like that. His treacherous mind filled in the details, though, supplied him with images of Souji’s lips wrapped around him, what it would feel like to have his hands in Souji’s hair right now, the sounds Souji might be making if it was affecting him as much as it was affecting Yosuke.

Yosuke had never let his thoughts get that far before. He’d always managed to stop at kissing, _maybe_ shirts off, only a few times in Souji’s lap. But he had a whole new set of mental images to work on now. If he would even make it out of this place alive, anyway.

He was pretty sure Souji’s fingers digging into his hips was going to leave a bruise. Rage on its own had never done this, so it must have been something else, but whatever it was, the rage was making it much, much worse. Souji might have been confident, but he’d never been aggressive. If Yosuke had ever thought about what Souji might be like during sex, which he definitely hadn’t, he might have thought it would be a lot like the way Souji was normally: thoughtful, accommodating, attentive. Not rough. Not so much with the biting.

It was clear that he wasn’t into the biting either. Or the hair-pulling, or the being held down, or the being unable to _do_ anything. Feeling helpless was bad enough; helpless to save Saki, helpless to prevent any of the kidnappings, though now that they’d caught Mitsuo that had lessened. Literally _being_ helpless, trapped and unable to move or free himself or knock some sense into Souji, made his stomach twist into knots. 

Not that his stomach wasn’t already curling up from his stupid teenage libido. It was awful, how good Souji’s mouth felt; it appealed to something bone-deep inside him that didn’t care what the circumstances were. He hated himself more with every passing second for even slightly enjoying this. Stupid, _stupid,_ it was _awful._

At least being a teenager had one benefit: it didn’t last long. He bit his tongue to muffle any sound when he came, and kept his eyes squeezed shut to not see how Souji seemed to be lapping up every last drop. He managed to open his eyes again when Souji finally drew back.

He instantly regretted it; Souji’s lips were reddened and slick, and his eyes were still dark with whatever it was that was causing this. Souji barely looked human right now. He looked feral, wild, like an animal pinning down its prey. Yosuke half-expected him to start growling.

Yosuke snapped his eyes shut again; he couldn’t watch this. Whatever it was going to be. He had a pretty good idea of what it was going to be, but anything under these conditions would be unwatchable, he was sure of it.

He felt a slight pressure as Souji slid back up his body, then a sharp pain as Souji’s teeth dug back into his neck. It felt stronger, this time, like it was going to break the skin, and as Souji’s hand suddenly tightened around his neck he got the message--eyes open. He opened them again, and Souji didn’t really look satisfied, but he lifted his hand anyway and gave one final nip before withdrawing. 

The hand on Yosuke’s neck didn’t leave, though. It only loosened its grip. Souji’s other hand slid up to Yosuke’s mouth and ran a thumb across his lips again before sliding two fingers inside. Yosuke licked at them as best he could, knowing that was his only chance. Souji withdrew his fingers all too soon, though, and trailed his hand down Yosuke’s stomach, past his cock, and Yosuke _wanted_ to close his eyes, wanted to go away in his head, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t do anything. 

All he could do was lie there and grit his teeth as Souji’s finger slipped between his legs and pressed just slightly, not enough to go in, just a careful touch. _Get on with it_ , Yosuke internally screamed. Maybe Souji could guess what he was thinking, because he pushed in further, slowly inching inside. It didn’t hurt, but it felt strange, uncomfortable. 

Souji suddenly crooked his finger, and Yosuke _shivered_ , unaccustomed to that new sensation. _That_ definitely didn’t hurt, but it made his stomach roil, that he could feel anything good out of this. Souji rubbed at that spot more, and Yosuke held back the moan that was threatening to escape his lips. 

Another finger started to slip in. The discomfort increased; there was a little ache now, not helped by Souji’s fingers scissoring inside him, opening him up more. Yosuke wondered if it was like this for gay guys, if maybe it didn’t hurt for them. Or maybe it was just that Souji’s movements were rough and choppy, not particularly careful. 

Souji’s fingers pulled out too quickly. Was that enough? It didn’t feel like it. With his eyes open, Yosuke was forced to watch as Souji undid his own belt buckle and unzipped his own pants. Why was it _now_ that it was only finally hitting him that this was happening? Yosuke watched in horrified fascination as Souji pulled out his cock. After a pause, Souji yanked down Yosuke’s clothes to his ankles, pushing back his legs until his ankles were pressed against the backs of his thighs, leaving enough space for Souji to move back between. Easy access.

Yosuke tried to focus on anything else. Souji’s hair. It was probably soft, wasn’t it? You didn’t see gray hair very often on teenagers. Maybe it was a genetic thing. When he got old, would it stay gray, or turn white?

It was hard to focus on anything else, though, when Souji’s cock lined up and started pressing _in_. Yosuke couldn’t help a whimper; _that_ hurt, that hurt a _lot_ as Souji pushed in further, one slow drag of pain. Yosuke bit his lip hard enough to bleed; it was already bloody from Souji’s kiss, but now it had a second wound to match.

Gay guys were supposed to like this, weren’t they? Yosuke couldn’t imagine _why;_ the ache was the worst pain he had ever felt, worse than the sharp sting of a Shadow getting in a hit with a claw or a sword, because those were healed soon after, and this kept going. A high keen slipped past his clenched teeth. 

Eventually Souji stopped moving. Yosuke could only take a quick breath before Souji started pushing again in earnest, pulling back and thrusting as the ache intensified to sharp pain with each movement. Souji’s fingers dug into his knees like knives, and it was absurd how Yosuke noticed the shift of Souji’s pants against his legs, the coarse fabric rubbing against him.

It seemed to go on forever. Souji’s cock inside him slammed in and out until Yosuke could barely think anymore, couldn’t process anything besides the haze of pain and the horrible sickness in his stomach. He wondered if Souji was feeling any of this, if Souji was really in there, maybe screaming to get out. But he couldn’t wonder it very hard, not with the ramming pain filling his head.

It did end, though, eventually. Souji came to a sudden stop before letting out a low, ragged breath, and Yosuke could feel a burst of warm fluid inside him. Souji stayed still for a few moments more, breathing hard, eyes unfocused, before he pulled out. The feeling of emptiness made Yosuke’s stomach turn. He felt equal parts keyed-up and exhausted. His mind was still on edge, but he wanted everything to just go away, fade out and let him be blank. 

Souji let go of Yosuke’s legs. They collapsed immediately, no reason to be up. Souji pulled back, resting on his knees, still seemingly out of focus. Yosuke found himself looking over at him, wary of what might happen next.

But nothing happened. Souji’s face was turned down; Yosuke couldn’t even see what expression he had, if he had one at all. His face had gone blank for a moment before he came, and then his head had lowered and hidden everything. All Yosuke had to go on was his heavy breathing and the way he was slumped over, like a puppet with its strings cut.

Too apt a metaphor, maybe--suddenly Souji’s head shot up, his eyes wide and horrified. He stumbled backwards, landing crablike, and Raphael disappeared in a blue rush. The darkness in his eyes was gone, replaced by utter fear.

With his arms free, Yosuke managed to half-sit up, balanced awkwardly on his elbows. The pain had lessened, but there was still an unpleasant throbbing; he wasn’t sure he could sit up properly, just yet.

“I--” Souji started to say something, but his mouth hung open, no words coming out. Yosuke wanted to wipe away the expression on his face. Souji wasn’t _supposed_ to look like that; Souji’s face was always subtle, polite, calm. Soft, sympathetic smiles. Occasional slightly furrowed eyebrows or slightly narrowed eyes. Nothing big. Nothing like this dumbstruck horror.

Yosuke couldn’t think of anything to say himself. _“Are you okay?” “Do you know what caused this?” “Were you watching?”_ Nothing seemed right. 

He didn’t know what Souji could possibly say, either. An apology wouldn’t change anything, and it wasn’t like any of it had been Souji’s fault, anyway. 

A long moment passed before a card appeared in Souji’s hand; he crushed it, and Kikuri-Hime appeared overhead, opening her arms as a cool wave enveloped Yosuke. Instantly the pain washed away, not even leaving an ache behind. He hadn’t even thought of that.

Kikuri-Hime faded out. Yosuke unsteadily pulled himself up, realizing there was still an unpleasant trickle inside him; evidently that didn’t count as an injury. Nothing he could do about it now, though, so he pulled his pants and underwear back on and hoped his pants were dark enough to hide anything.

Souji was still just sitting there. Yosuke thought about reaching out a hand to help him stand up, but realized Souji probably wouldn’t take it.

What could he _do?_ The girls were still out. He still couldn’t hear Rise or the others. Whatever was going on, he couldn’t do it alone.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “You need to get up. We need to figure out what’s happened to everyone else. Can you stand up on your own?” Maybe the status ailment was messing with that, too.

Eventually, Souji nodded. He slowly stood back up, tucking himself back into his pants like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. When he was up all the way, his eyes wouldn’t meet Yosuke’s.

Well, okay. Yosuke walked to Chie and crouched down. Nothing had changed. That was good, at least. Maybe.

Another burst of light behind him signified Kikuri-Hime’s reappearance, and this time the wave enveloped all of them. Chie groaned, her eyes fluttering open. An immense weight vanished from Yosuke’s mind.

“I _hate_ those freaking hands,” Chie grumbled as she stood up. “Even when we’re strong enough that it shouldn’t matter, they still give us trouble…”

Yukiko got back on her feet too, gingerly touching her head. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over how powerful healing spells are,” she said. “I was out, but I don’t feel a thing.”

Rise’s voice rushed back into their heads. _Senpai! Are you okay? Everything went blank for a second!_

Souji finally found his voice. “We’re fine, Rise,” he said, and he only stumbled a little. “Just a weird status ailment. I think we’re done for the day.”

“I agree,” Rise said, her voice no longer in their heads, as she ran into the room. Kanji and Teddie were right behind her. “You look _beat_. Yosuke-senpai--”

She froze. Yosuke suddenly wondered just how much she could hear, when she was in their minds. Only what they told her? Or did she go beyond that, whether or not she wanted to?

That didn’t matter now. “Yeah, let’s head back,” Yosuke said. His voice was remarkably steady.

Souji tossed a goho-m into the air, and they trekked back to the entrance, the others chatting the same way they usually did. Teddie didn’t seem to have noticed anything either.

At least Yosuke had the excuse of being tired from all the combat. No one looked twice at him for being quiet, and no one would have noticed he wasn’t walking next to Souji. It wasn’t even like the thought of being near Souji was scary--well, he was pretty sure it wasn’t--it was that _Souji_ couldn’t seem to look at _him._ Which made sense, but it still wasn’t a comforting thought.

When they climbed back through the exit and into Junes, Chie gave an exaggerated yawn, stretching her arms behind her head. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going straight to bed,” she said. “I wish healing spells kept your energy levels up.”

Everyone else gave nods and comments of assent, even the rearguard. They exited the building and began to go their separate ways, just like usual, but not far onto the sidewalk, Yosuke started at a touch on his shoulder.

He turned around--Rise. Her face was all drawn, like she wasn’t sure what to say. “Yosuke-senpai…” she started.

“Teddie, go on ahead,” Yosuke said, calling out to Teddie, who was a few paces ahead of him and waved. He turned back to Rise. “How much do you know?” he asked quietly.

Rise bit her lip. “Not much,” she said. “But…once everything stopped being blank, I could feel that something really bad had happened. I thought maybe you guys were injured, so I rushed in with the others, but you looked fine, and then I thought…I don’t know. I can only hear a little of what everyone’s thinking, and I usually don’t try to, because privacy, you know? But I kinda skimmed over Souji-senpai and it was like his head was this big tangled ball. Something was really wrong. Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai didn’t have any of that, but when I touched your thoughts…they were all twisted-up too. I don’t know what happened to you two, but…it wasn’t good, was it? Souji-senpai said there was a weird status ailment…”

Yosuke let out a slow breath and shook his head. “Just some stuff happened, that’s all,” he said. “I’m gonna ask Teddie if he knows anything about it later. Don’t worry about it.”

But Rise looked unconvinced. “If you say so, Senpai,” she said. “Just…let me know if you ever want to talk, okay?”

And the weird thing was, she’d probably be the best option--he couldn’t ever show weakness in front of Chie, he didn’t want to bring this kind of thing into Yukiko’s life, Teddie wouldn’t get it, and Kanji was right out, but Rise was just enough removed from his acquaintance and probably had more experience with sexuality than any of them, if only because of the world she came from. If he could manage to tell anyone, she’d probably be the only one who could really withstand it.

But he couldn’t tell anyone. It would change everything, make the rest of the team suddenly not know how to talk to him or Souji, mess up all the friendships he’d somehow managed to acquire.

“Yeah, okay,” Yosuke said. He waved her off and ran to catch up with Teddie.

Teddie tended to alternate between being mentally eight and weirdly mature, and Yosuke could never figure out when it shifted. As he caught back up with him, Teddie gave him a glance and said, “Yosuke, you don’t need to push yourself so hard. Aren’t you really tired right now?”

Maybe it was a leftover from when he used to be their navigator, or maybe it was part of being a healer, but Teddie was pretty good at knowing how much further anyone could go. And Yosuke knew his reserves were pretty depleted.

“I’m fine, Ted, I just need to get some rest,” Yosuke said. “So don’t go around making a ruckus, okay?”

Teddie put a hand to his chest and gasped. “How rude!” he said. “I need to hibernate too, you know! My silky fur will lose all its luster if it doesn’t get enough beauty sleep. I’m just saying, if you’re that tired, you could have asked Sensei to leave earlier. It’s no good when one of us gets exhausted.”

Yosuke couldn’t muster much more than a faint smile. “Yeah, I know,” he said.

When they got home, Teddie magnanimously let Yosuke have the first bath, which was good for a number of reasons--the first one being that he could finally clean himself up. Toilet paper and gravity worked wonders, but he was definitely going to have to do laundry tomorrow. It was a profoundly strange sensation, and afterwards he found himself needing to take a breather. Sitting back on the toilet seat, he breathed in and out, completely at a loss. What was he doing? There was a certain mechanical nature for the physical stuff, but in his head…Rise had called his thoughts “twisted-up”, hadn’t she? It certainly felt like it. He just didn’t know _what_ to think.

He sank into the bath, waiting for the hot water to at least relax his muscles. A good hot bath and a full night’s sleep were generally good enough to renew whatever it was that powered his moves. Sometimes he wondered what the exact rules of it were. If you took a nap in a safe part of the TV world, could you restore some energy that way? But the only “safe” places in the TV world he could think of were the backlot, which wasn’t very comfortable, and Mayumi Yamano’s bedroom, which, while indeed having a bed, was also a little too full of “someone died here” for his liking.

Maybe tomorrow he’d talk about it with--

…well, it wasn’t a very good idea. No need to bring it up.

Yosuke closed his eyes and tried not to think about anything besides getting some rest.

He managed it during the bath. Later, though, in bed, the muggy summer heat left him tossing and turning, uncomfortable under the blankets. _Too_ hot, almost suffocating, not that far off from the bathhouse--

Yosuke wrenched the blankets off himself and curled up, eyes squeezed tight. Suddenly the idea of being on his back in the heat didn’t appeal.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if there was even realistically anything that could be done. For all he knew, he might just be stuck like this, getting worse and worse inside until something terrible happened, and he suddenly wondered if Souji might be thinking the exact same thing right now, but that didn’t make him feel better. If anything, it made it worse.

(Souji’s eyes had been so _dark.)_

He couldn’t _do_ anything. 

The only thing he could try to do right now was sleep. Maybe he could do that. Maybe things would be clearer in the morning.

He doubted it, but what other options did he have?

He curled up tighter and tried to think about anything else.

It almost worked.


End file.
